You see, I, as many of us Christians and non-Christians alike, struggle with the sin of self-sufficiency. God wants it gone, completely ridded from my life. He's showing me some amazing things that usually end up with me repenting of something and in tears of brokenness. I am broken. This is a good thing. Jesus didn't come to save the fixed... but the broken. I need Him... more than I thought I did. Hmm...
The verse of thanks that I've been reading and re-reading, studying and re-studying is one that we've already looked at in Matthew ("Daily Bread" from 10/16/13) - the story of Jesus feeding the 4000. As not to be redundant, I looked a bit further into this story. Into the hearts of Jesus' disciples. Since God and I were examining my heart (as one of Jesus' modern day disciples) I found it appropriate to have a peek at my predecessors and brother's in Christ.
"He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. When he had taken the seven loaves and given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to set before the people, and they did so." Mark 8:6
The "guys" were certainly obedient in serving the Jesus blessed portions to the people. They witnessed a miracle from their teacher's hand. However, they still lacked faith. They were slow learners in realizing the incredible power and authority of Jesus, the Son of Man. Less than 6 verses later in this same chapter of Mark, the disciples are basically arguing over who was the dummy that forgot to bring bread with on their next journey with Jesus in the boat. For Pete's sake, they just witnessed Him turning 7 loaves into enough food to feed more than 4000 people and there were even 12 baskets of leftovers (enough for 1 basket per disciple). Now they are arguing amongst themselves, not listening to Jesus, and forgetting that their physical needs are of far less importance than of spreading the Good News of Jesus' ministry.
It seems so easy to point the finger at the disciples in their weak faith and being slow learners. But isn't that us? Don't we forget so quickly of the blessing from the hand of our Great Provider? He gets us from day to day providing for our needs, protecting us from evil and destruction, and loving us so completely that we can't possibly fathom how wide, long, high and deep Our Heavenly Father's love is for us sinners.
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" Ephesians 3:17b-18
This overhaul on my heart and my faith in Christ has been eye opening, certainly, but at the same time extremely convicting. Convicting in that I am in a serious need of some major cleaning... or confessing. I need to realize my weakness, really realize and come to the humble reality that "I can't do it!" not without Jesus. He is my Strength, my Redeemer, my Light of Life. I am but a cracked pot. Not of much value in my own merit. But if I can get over myself enough to remove my lid (of self-sufficiency and self-centeredness) and allow Jesus' light to shine into my being, a beautiful thing can happen. Jesus' light shines ever so brightly through my cracks and make me immensely valuable to those the light spills out onto. It's not because of who I am, but because of who He is in me that brings value to my existence here on earth. Value that is eternal. And that He loved me enough that He died to redeem me from my sins. Praise God.
I am so thankful that God is a patient and loving Father that waits for us slow learners to "get it." I want to be used for Jesus' eternal work. Don't you? In our passage for today, Jesus gives thanks to the Father for bread. I want to give thanks to the Father for bread too... the symbolic bread of Jesus' broken body that paid the price for my redemption so I can be viewed by God as holy in His sight. It takes daily work to resist worldly ways and confess when I fall, but I find that work the most rewarding work I will ever do because it allows me to have a more intimate relationship with the "Lover of my soul."
Pray this with me;
Dear Jesus, I am but a cracked pot wanting to be of value to You and Your Kingdom. As the man in the gospel of Mark declared, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24b) Please help me clean out my junk and confess my sins to You, O God, and shine Your great Light into my life, that I might share in Your power and glory and spill Your light out onto those around me. I thank You, now, for Your cleansing blood, Your bread of Life, and the life changing work that You, and only You, will have for me to do in Your name. In Jesus' powerful name, Amen.
"And be thankful." Colossians 3:15b
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