Fear or Faith

What is your greatest fear? One of mine is the fear of heights. There is a commercial on TV and I am so overtaken by fear with the view at the end of this advertisement that I can't even tell you what they're promoting. A woman is getting herself outfitted for mountain climbing and ends up standing on this incredibly high and very small pinnacle of rock. The view zooms out to show you what she sees from this perspective and it's crazy high and very rocky. I have to turn my head away from the TV because I am so freaked out by the scene. I have other fears that I am working on overcoming, but heights isn't even on my list to try to conquer.

As I studied the next verse of thanks, it took me to the top of the wall of Jerusalem that Nehemiah recently completed and was celebrating. I couldn't get my mind beyond the fact that these folks had to climb up an incredibly high wall and march. Fear can make us so narrow minded, right?

"I had the leaders of Judah go up on top of the wall. I also assigned two large choirs to give thanks. One was to proceed on top of the wall to the right, toward the Dung Gate." Nehemiah 12:31

As I researched further, I was given a sense of peace by the dimensions of this great wall of Jerusalem. Initially the height freaked me out. Portions of the wall were as high as 52 feet or over 5 stories and there were towers in the wall that stood higher than that. But the peace came in as I found that the diameter was over half a football field in width, or about 55.5 yards wide. If I didn't have to go too near the edge, I suppose I could walk along this wall. I don't know about marching while playing an instrument though. I guess if I just had to sing I could maybe handle it. I also found that the distance that the choir was to walk was half the distance of about 4.5 miles. There were two choirs that go in opposite directions and meet in the middle, at the temple. In the Old Testament the action of walking around an object, or a city, or a piece of land is a way of claiming it for God. They were claiming Jerusalem as God’s city.

A lesson that God has been teaching me lately is rooted in these fears of mine. I'll confess one of the fears that I am working on conquering... the fear of failure, of letting people down. As I've been praying about this fear and asking for God's leading in making me understand it and become more courageous, he's revealed to me that it is very self-centered. Fear, that is. Focusing too close to my own personal center and value is really just a lack of faith in God's ability to carry out His plan for my existence. All of God's plans are right and good and perfect. He will carry them out regardless of my opinion of how worthy I am to do His work.

Let's take a look at the old testament story of Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 27). Isaac was very old and blind. It was getting time to bless his son. Isaac pulled his firstborn son, Esau, aside in private and told him to go out and hunt some game and make him the tasty food that he preferred. He would then give his son, that he loved (his favorite), his blessing. Rebekah overheard this plan and formulated her own plan to deceive her husband. She told Jacob, the second born twin (and son that she favored), to go to the flock and get two choice young goats so she could prepare a meal for her husband just the way he likes it. She also had her son put goatskins on his hands and face as to disguise his smooth skin to rough, hairy skin like that of his brother, Esau. She then dressed Jacob in Esau's best clothing so he would smell like his brother. She hurried Jacob in to bring his father, Isaac, the meal and get the family blessing before Esau got back from hunting.

Now this family was trying to do things their own way. God had a plan and a prophesy in place from the beginning... before the boys were even born. He told Rebekah that the "older was to serve the younger" (Genesis 25:23c). Now, I don't know if Rebekah went with this deceptive plan because she was trying to be obedient to God's prophesy... I don't think so. I think she just wanted to see the son that she favored get the blessing that God had in place through the family line of Abraham, Jacob's grandfather. I am not sure about Isaac's motives either. He may have been trying to follow tradition by blessing the firstborn son. Or he just wanted to see his favorite more blessed. Either way, God got His way in the end. Jacob was blessed and it was irrevocable. I wonder if God even had His pieces in place that Isaac was very old and blind so His plan would prevail.

My point is that when it comes to carrying out the work of the Lord, even if the clear straight path has to take a sharp curve to the left or the right, God will get His work accomplished. My self-centered, lack-of-faith, fear won't even get in His way.

In this post, my fear of heights certainly led me astray. I was supposed to be telling you about Nehemiah's choir praising God and thanking Him for his protection and provision. The good news is that there are three more verses of thanks describing this same scene and bringing it full circle.

I am thankful, today, that God can use even fear to make His point and show me that He loves me without condition and created me, and all of you, for a very special purpose in this life He has given us. With His help I can turn my fears into faith and accomplish good things for God's purpose.

"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me." Psalm 57:2

"And be thankful." Colossians 3:15b