Mine was an emotional Christmas. My first Christmas without my mom. I got to spend a lot of nice down time with my family and my dad (who is alone due to mom's rather recent trip to heaven). Church was very emotional, comforting, touching, beautiful. We attended the candlelight service on Christmas Eve at my dad's church. That was mom's favorite part of Christmas. Needless to say it was a huge part of the "emotional" that I described my experience as earlier. The tears that I (and dad) shed were aching tears but they were also tears of comfort as they brought mom's presence in close, in our hearts, just where we want her to remain until we see her face to face again one day in heaven.
This year Christmas felt different in another way too. I felt like I understood the meaning better. I could relate deeper with the reality of it more. The details felt alive and more intense. I suppose a bunch of it has to do with the fact that my relationship with Jesus has become all that much more personal and deep since last Christmas. When that takes place in any relationship you begin to see the details of your loved one's life with a new perspective. Sort of like you can feel what they feel, understand what they know, or at least want to. I suppose having mom in Jesus presence, in heaven, draws my heart and mind closer to my future there as well.
Humble and lowly were the conditions that our Lord and Savior was born in. Mary and Joseph were without shelter, refugees - if you will, weary from the very long, most likely difficult and unpleasant trip they had just completed to get to Bethlehem (from Nazareth - I believe I heard this was about 60 miles). I am worn out after riding - in a car - not on the back of a donkey - the 4 hours it takes - not weeks, on foot out in the elements and 9 months pregnant - to get back home for the holidays. The brand new baby laid in a filthy feed box for livestock. Those are some of the details that I've overlooked all these years. I've heard them and read them so many times they became like wallpaper and I didn't really look at the details of the design. When my firstborn was brought into this world I wouldn't even let my beloved dog (who had been my "baby" up until that point) sniff him for fear that the dog would give by precious son some sort of deadly disease. Seriously, I'm not joking, I was that intense.
"This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:12
Another detail that took on a new meaning for me was to think that my Creator, Savior, Almighty King, Prince of Peace, Immanuel lowered himself from heavenly royalty to become a human baby for my sake and yours. He was born in this very lowly way, walked the earth as a servant not as a king, and was even put to death in the way that terrible criminals were slain... all so humbling. He did all of that for me because he wanted me and you to have a chance to spend glorious time with him in eternity one day.
It's so hard for me to understand why some choose not to love him back. I owe him my life, and for some reason, at times, I behave as though he owes me something. Crazy. If I pray and serve others with my time, if I read my bible and devote my time to godly things I get myself all filled up with sinful pride and think he owes me blessings... prosperity, comforts, love, peace, miracles. No. No, he doesn't owe me anything... but I owe him everything... and yet He blesses me and my family daily and promises us the hope of heaven... without cost. There is nothing we can do to attain his love... it's unconditional... or earn our way to heaven... he already took care of the tab on the cross at Calvary. All I need to do is believe and follow Him. Seems so simple and yet because I'm born into sin, it's a daily battle - but, a battle worth fighting none-the-less.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
"It is the gift of God"... that's a Christmas present worth telling about! I'm thankful for this new reality on how I view Jesus' birthday celebration. And I look forward to my own face to face meeting with Jesus one day when he calls me home. Now that's what Christmas really means.
"And be thankful." Colossians 3:15b
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